a priori/a posteriori

Saturday, September 23, 2017

Parenthood is being an unpaid Taxi driver

At least, being the parent of a teenage daughter. Probably of a teenage son, too.

Maybe I'll write more about it when I get back from the mall.

Past of me will miss malls, when we're all sitting around our campfires, wondering why we thought "air conditioning" could be a thing

How Comedy Stole My Quarterlife

Comedy became an annoyance tactic, for me.

I meant to write avoidance tactic, but sometimes auto-correct knows me better than I do.

Comedy started as something I was passionate about. But the bad reasons for pursuing it grew, over time -- like mold growing on fruit.

Comedy became a reason for me to not do the things I didn't want to do, in life.

"Time to take life seriously." -- I'm taking comedy seriously

Times 100. Times 10 years. Times 20 concerned friend and family members.

I just kept avoiding. And the longer I waited, the taller the mountain became. As I held the mic at the bottom.


Thursday, September 21, 2017

"I don't want to ride the donkey. I want to ride the stallion"

Vanessa helps me write this blog.  She co-writes it.

If you are reading this, you are helping me to co-write it.

I believe that in a real, tangible way.  If you are reading this, you are co-writing it.  The ripples of connection run through time in both directions.
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Vanessa has no interest in the already-happened ending.  She wants to be surprised. 

She has a legacy, and it is being shaped as I type.

I better shut up and listen

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Mango Chili Airheads

Again:  I don't know why I'm so consumed with Airheads.  It is one of the candies that I always wanted more of, as a child.  So now, as an adult...I get more of it.

I bought Mike and Ike candy today, on my way to work.  I do that often.

I remember hearing stories about men who would get a paycheck, and then spend half of it at the bar on the way home from work.  I always judged the men in those stories.

Am I more or less sad than that story, if I do the exact thing, but spend it on candy?  At least the alcoholic made grown-man choices.  At least the alcoholic wasn't eating hipster dinners in his car, pumping his disappointed muscles full of sugar when they were shouting to their brain for protein.

Also, when is someone at Oreos headquarters gonna say, "Nah, let's not make that."
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So I went to 7-11 tonight.  To get soda.  Because I have no discipline, and because I wanted to avoid working out.  And it gave me about 8 minutes away from home, which is really nice alone time with my phone.

I'm not cheating on Vanessa.  Not with a woman, anyway.  But I am in a long-term relationship with my phone.  I am seeing it on the down low.  I listen to it talk for hours, when I drive to and from work.  I check in with it every morning when I wake up, and every night before bed.

Sometimes I finish pooping and then stay in the bathroom to be with my phone.

Only problem is:  it's a terrible relationship.  I don't like it.

I like the one I have with Vanessa, much better.  And I'd like to work more on that one.
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When I got to 7-11 for the soda, I was frozen in place by a new display case:  Limited Edition Airheads.  Flavors such as "Salted Watermelon," "Strawberry Lime," and

wait for it,

"Mango Chili"

I haven't been this excited last week, when I tried Mango Chili Oreos.
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I am on to you, Big Candy.

You are making everything.  And it's all things I don't need.

I never needed you.  You screwed over my parents by getting in bed with Big Saturday Morning Cartoons.

I'm on to you.

I'm bringing the whole industry down.  This whole web of Big Industry lies.

I'm going to keep pulling these Jenga pieces out, one at a time.  I'm not worried about whether or not I topple the tower.  I just want to keep finding loose pieces.

Mango Chili Airheads

Getting Your Swagger Back

I'm getting my swagger back.

You should be, too.
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"I only have a few fans," I told Vanessa.

"You'd be surprised," she replies.

She's right. Statistics are meaningless to the future. You can't plant numbers in the Spring and expect to eat in the fall.

You have to plant seeds. You have to trust that something that isn't a thing now, will be that thing later.

Plant with your gut


Saturday, September 16, 2017

$13.77 for 7-11 Headphones

I got the nice pair of 7-11 headphones.

Not the REALLY nice pair. The $31 pair.

I don't flaunt my wealth like that.

I didn't get the cheap kind, though. The $5.99 pair.

I wanted to make an investment.

So I got the Goldilocks.  The Happy Medium. The just-right.
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I feel old. And tired.

My wife is hot and my kids are amazing. But I'm not sure I'm holding up my end of the bargain.

I'm not sure...but I may be a loser.

I just told you the story of my Saturday Night

The Best Day to Not Think About Football

Sunday:  Not today -- it's Game Day!!!

Monday: Not today -- Monday Night Football!!!

Tuesday: Not today -- there was just football yesterday!!!

Wednesday: Not today -- there's football tomorrow!!!

Thursday: Thursday Night Football!!!

Friday: Not today -- there was just football yesterday!!!

Saturday:  Tomorrow is GAME DAYYYY!!!!!!

Sunday: Global Warming