a priori/a posteriori

Wednesday, August 9, 2017

Bryson Turner Finally Confirms the Rumors...

I love the Internet.

That's the rumor I'm confirming.
I have been critical of it, in the past.  I have thought that making negative points on here would somehow help this infant.  This baby of an idea, The Internet.

I made the mistake that many coaches make, and that many parents make:  I wanted to live vicariously through The Internet.

I loved the idea like a child:  the idea of a community-watering-hole, for every conscious mind on the planet.  A place that had the potential to feed every last person with any desire to learn.  A place to pool together our knowledge and hope, and find empathy-infused steps forward, acting as one small cohesive blue-and-green organism.

I loved it so much, I yelled at it every time it made even the smallest mistake.  Every time any other person posted something into it that I didn't agree with, I shouted at the screen and slammed my anger into it, one keyboard-click at a time.

I put negativity into The Internet. 

But I did so out of love.  I did so because of how much I believed in The Internet.
I am learning, slowly, that I am a parent of The Internet.

I Love The Internet.

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

I'm a Hipster Liberal. I'm So Sorry

I define "Hipster Liberal" as anyone who bases his or her political opinions off what John Oliver said this past Sunday.
I'm so sorry.  I can't wait until I'm an older me.
Liberals want to pat themselves on the back for knowing that "Net Neutrality" is a good thing.

Not for actually doing anything about it.  Just for knowing it's a good thing.

Why is it a good thing?

Because if we didn't have it, then we could quickly become victims of the elite.  They could make it so that the only opinions we really had access to were their own.

What a terrifying thought, right?  And so us Hipster Liberals know we want to keep Net Neutrality, just like it currently is.
I no longer understand this logic.

When was the last time I read the blog of a villager in a 3rd-world country?  When was the last time a YouTube video went viral from a child worker in China?

These things are not happening.  Because the legality of Net Neutrality can become a distraction from the reality of Net Unbelievable-Nobody-Feels-Any-Instinctual-Repulsion, or Net UNFAIR for short.

We, as "liberals", are feeding ourselves "I'm smart" pellets and congratulating each other for a job well done.  Meanwhile, the worst-case-scenario has been happening the entire first 5 decades of the Internet:  we are not getting an accurate view of the world as a whole, and our species' destruction of the planet has only accelerated because of our ignorance.

As a Hipster Liberal, I ignore the refugee crisis the same way I ignore the health dangers of soda:  I've heard about it, but I'd rather pretend I haven't.

I'm a Hipster Liberal.  I'm so sorry

dedicated to vanessa

Sunday, July 2, 2017

Dear Airheads: Why is it still "White Mystery"?

Shouldn't you have figured that out by now?

In the early 1990s, you came out with a new flavor of Airhead. A *mystery* flavor.

Presumably, we could all enjoy it for a brief period of time, make our best guess add to what the flavor was, and then you would tell us.

Flash forward 25 years.  The Red Sox and Cubs have both won the World Series. We've had a black President. We've done nothing about global warming, somehow.

9/11 happened. War, famine, hope, great, potato chips. War, famine, hope, fear, potato chips.

A quarter of a century later. My hair is grey. I'm married, with two kids. Different state, different job, different life.

And here I lie, eating an Airhead.

"White Mystery??"

Mystery is not a flavor, Perfetti Van Melle USA Inc.

"Candy is not a dinner," the corporation whispers back, in my mind.

Touche, Corporate America.


Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Monday is my new Sunday

I never go to church anymore. 

I feel pretty bad about it.

Vanessa goes every week.

But I just stopped going, at some point.  And all of a sudden, it was a lot easier Not To Go.
My father used to preach on Sundays.  Every Sunday, he would speak in front of an audience.

I always thought that was cool.

I don't go to church, right now.  I went the first Sunday of the year, gave $101, and haven't been back. 

It's my first year as a Catholic.
Bryson performs every Monday Night from 9:10 -- 9:15 pm, at Pinboys Bowling Alley, in Virginia Beach, Virginia.  He has fun telling stories

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

Adult Rules, #1

Four pages is not a lot of paperwork.

I am not allowed to be "intimidated" by 4 pages.

Check some boxes, do your best, and move forward

Saturday, June 10, 2017

Me Llamo Verizon

Yo no hablo Espanol.


Name:  BrysonTurner.com

Points:  923,123

Rank:  8226

I am a Proud Fan of the Liberal Rednecks

Not to "liberal rednecks" in general.  Though I have nothing against you.

Thank you, specifically, to these liberal rednecks.
Thank you, Drew.  Thank you, Corey.  Thank you, Trae.

Not as a unit.  Thank you, each of you.  Because you guys were not cool to me, as a group.  You were all cool to me, one-to-one.
I respect each of you, individually.  As peers.
That isn't much, to the outside world right now.  But you guys told me that it does mean something.  That it means a lot.  And you've helped inspire me to get up on the horse again.

I'm getting back into comedy.
Keep performing.  Grow, and evolve, as people and performers.  Take steps forward.  Churn your creative legs past the point of failure.

We are not on tour together.  But I am now growing with you guys, in spirit.

Consider Bryson Turner a fan.