|"Welcome to Boomtown. Population BOOMTOWN!"|
By Bryson Turner and Lucas Molandes
Our upstairs neighbor, white-trash disc jockey aka 'Boomtown Bryson' aka 'DJ Brysonio Hall', showed up today to showcase his contempt for modern art and pseudo-ironic post modernist dee-jaying. After playing music from the late 1940s ("when this shit was still real," he explained), he insisted on painting with nothing but sweatpants on. Boomtown - whose real name is not known because his lease is signed by his parents - complained that he had not received the Mountain Dew that had been promised him in exchange for his services (there was no such agreement). The self-proclaimed "double-threat" - his business card claims expertise in both "business card editing" and "keeping it reel" (sic) - then stormed out of the apartment and headed back upstairs, uttering only one last sentence while grabbing his crotch in a suggestive manner.
|"I got your fucking museum of modern fucking art right here, faggots."|