Tuesday

For any comics considering moving to New York, here’s a timeline from last night, as I ran around the city doing open-mics.

3:45 p.m. - Left my Brooklyn apartment, took subway to a 4 p.m. open-mic at Bar 82 in lower Manhattan.

4:15 p.m. - Arrived at Bar 82.

4:45 p.m. - Did a 5-minute set at the 4 o’clock mic.

5:15 p.m. - Left the Bar 82 mic early, got a slice of pizza, then took subway to get to “The Dean’s List,” a 6 p.m. mic at The Creek and the Cave, which is a restaurant/bar/comic’s clubhouse in Long Island City.

5:50 p.m. - Arrived at Creek and the Cave

6:30 p.m. - Did a 3-minute set at The Creek and the Cave.

7:15 p.m. - Left the mic at The Creek to take subway to the “Tipsy Hustle,” a 9 p.m. open-mic at “Five Spot Supper Club” in Clinton Hill, a neighborhood in Brooklyn.

7:45 p.m. - Arrived at Five Spot Supper Club. Early. Texted a friend to sign me up on an 8 p.m. mic at 1-Republik, which is a bar around midtown Manhattan.

7:50 p.m. - Walked down the street and got a slice of pizza with a fellow comic.

8:10 p.m. - Back to Five Spot. Had a fellow comic that was staying sign me up around 10th, so that I’d go up around 10:00.

8:15 p.m. - Left Five Spot, ran to the subway to go back into Manhattan.

8:45 p.m. - Arrived in Manhattan, jogged to 1-Republik.

9:00 p.m. - Got to 1-Republik, luckily about 15 minutes before my name was called.

9:15 p.m. - Did a 4-minute set at 1-Republik.

9:20 p.m. - Grabbed my coat and bag, and headed back toward the subway, to head back to the “Tipsy Hustle” mic that my friend had signed me up for.

9:55 p.m. - Got off the subway in Clinton Hill.

10:00 p.m. - Arrived back at Five Spot Supper Club.

10:05 p.m. - Did an 8-minute set at Five Spot.

10:20 p.m. - Left Five Spot, headed to the subway to go back to Manhattan for an 11 p.m. mic at The Pit.

11:00 p.m. - Got off the subway in Manhattan.

11:05 p.m. - Arrived at The Pit.

11:45 p.m. - Did a 2-minute set at The Pit. Stuck around for the rest of the mic.

12:30 a.m. - The mic ended. Walked to the subway with another comic. Talked comedy and life for an extra half-hour.

1:00 a.m. - Got on the 7-train. Then transferred and waited for the G-train. Then transferred and waited for the A-train. Then got on the A-train, and headed home.

2:20 a.m. - Got off the subway, stopped at the corner pizza place, got 2 slices of pizza.

2:25 a.m. - Got home. Ate pizza.

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So that’s a Tuesday right now. They’re not all like that, and I’m lucky in that I don’t have a job I have to go to during the day. But that’s what nights can be like here. It’s really not as lazy a pursuit as some people presume that it is.

Let’s count up the numbers:

1 - Night Out

4 - slices of pizza

5 - open-mic sets

6 - hours spent in transit

10 - hours away from home

22 - minutes on stage

5 - non-comic audience members (at best)

Welcome to New York!

I’m tired. And happy.