Thursday, January 3, 2013
Unconditional Love and "Not Owing" (by Lawson Leong)
Here's the thing:
I try not to feel like I owe people things. I don't owe anybody anything, because nobody owes me anything. I love everyone unconditionally. Without conditions. It's not based on this horseshit "give and take" system. I give and don't expect anything in return. Because you don't owe me. That's not a thing. And if someone gives to me I don't owe them. Only give if you want to give, not to keep score.
I don't even owe anybody words or kindness. I don't owe anybody politeness. Not even my own parents. But I give that and more. Not because I owe, but because I understand. I understand that people are flawed, and worth caring about, worth loving. I do only the things that I want to do, and not out of a feeling of debt or or obligation. I care because I care. You don't have to give a fuck about me. That's not what it's about.
I value my words, actions and love. I wouldn't want to weigh them down with feelings of debt. I don't owe anybody unconditional love. If I did it wouldn't be pure. I give it because I give it. That's it.
Thing is, when people give to you, you should be grateful. That's the healthy way to receive. But people are flawed, and some people won't be grateful. Some people won't say "thank you." But I didn't give to them so I could hear a "thank you." I did it because I WANTED TO. Do what you want, not what you're "supposed to."
And giving to others will make them want to give to you. Kindness begets kindness. Trust begets trust. Someone who gives is someone worth giving to. At this point, I'm not absolute in this ideology. I still feel like I owe many people things. Because I live in society. But I know I shouldn't feel that way. No one should. It's unhealthy. When you do things out of debt, it builds resentment.
When you do things only out of understanding and love, you feel freedom. The one thing holding me back on the idea of not owing people anything, was the notion that parents MUST owe it to their kids to try to raise them. After all, kids didn't choose to exist, parents brought them in, so parents must owe their kids. The thing is, parents love their kids unconditionally.
That's why becoming a parent is a thing, their child is the first being they love unconditionally. So they raise them not out of owing, but out of...unconditional love. They give, without conditions; not out of obligation. It doesn't occur to them that they owe their kids. All that occurs to them is unconditional love.
So yeah, love everyone the way you would love your own child. Because your child is you, and you know that. But what people miss is that everyone is you, and you are everyone. We're all one.
That's why I love everyone unconditionally. It's a formula. I love myself unconditionally and we are all one. So I have to love everyone unconditionally. It's math. I'm not special, I just saw the formula. Math is thought of as a dry subject, with no heart in it. But sometimes it helps you realize that you love everyone. Go figure. I don't really drink, but I imagine a fun drinking game could be to read this post, and take a shot every time the word "love" or "unconditionally" shows up. Don't pass out yet, because I got 2 more for you.
I love you all unconditionally.