a priori/a posteriori

Friday, January 27, 2012

When in Doubt, Blog

It’s 12:49 p.m. on a Friday afternoon. There are a lot of things I could - and probably should - be doing right now. Things that would be much more productive than writing this blog.

The reality, however, is that I wasn’t doing them today. I was just kind of filling my day with bullshit. I was on Twitter, and then Facebook, and watching The Daily Show, and then searching desperately for anything to distract me from getting actual work done.

I think that’s what screws me over in life, as much as anything else. It’s the idea that even if I’m doing something productive, it won’t be the right productive thing to do. And so I end up doing...well...nothing.

Should I be paying my internet bill, and my phone bill, right now? Yeah. Should I be going to get groceries, because I am about to eat hot cereal for lunch, right now? Yeah. On a larger scale, should I be updating my resume’ and applying for jobs right now? Yeah. Should I be trying to figure out how to pay off those creditors that seem so interested in how I’m doing? Yeah. Should I be writing jokes, or hashing out ideas, or finally starting that script I keep lying and saying that I’m working on? Yeah.

There are literally - literally - 100 things I should be doing right now that are higher on my priority list than writing this blog. This blog has no deadline. This blog isn’t collecting interest that I’m going to have to pay off later. I really shouldn’t be writing this right now.

But sometimes, you just have to do something. Sometimes, there are a million different things you could be doing. And so to pick the 100th most-important thing...that’s still pretty damn close to the top. And no matter where it is on the list, it lets you cross something off the list.

There’s another side to this argument, and I understand that. I can’t just put off my taxes forever. Eventually, there are realities that need to be faced. But I don’t know. If I never become a respected comic, and I go to jail for tax evasion, and I die alone, regretting that I wrote this blog instead of sucking it up and getting my shit together...I don’t know. Even then: at least I wrote this blog. I will always have written this blog. And that means something.

I’m not sure what, exactly. I wish I knew, and I wish I could tell you. Trust me, if I did, I’d feel better about having written it.

I don’t. But this exists now. That’s something.

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