a priori/a posteriori

Friday, February 8, 2013

Getting High For Stand Up & With A Girl

Yesterday was the first time I did a set while high. But I wasn't too high, I was on my way down. I had gotten high 5 hours earlier, then did a set and crushed, in front of 10-12 people at 2:00 am in the morning. I was dripping with raw honesty. More than usual.

So now I'm reminding myself to not try to recreate that experience. Because that's always how people get in trouble. When you're high you understand that there's no future. But when you sober up, you try to make another future where you understand there isn't one. It's going back to the same comfortable well, and that's how you get dependent. Drugs get a bad rap for that, but I do that with food and the internet CONSTANTLY.

Because food and the internet are also drugs. And so are people. Anything that can interact with the chemicals in your brain is a drug. So really all of existence is a drug. Life is a constant drug induced state. Weed just gives me different glasses to look at existence through. So far, they're my favorite glasses.

The other thing is yesterday was the first time I got high with a girl I like. And to be fair to her, I made sure I got SIGNIFICANTLY high. High enough that I couldn't believe in a future, high enough that I couldn't use language to appear to be honest but not really be. I gave myself no options, no way out of it. I was dead set on us being high together for the next few hours.

And it was a beautiful thing. We shared a beautiful night together. Nothing physical happened. But that means more to everyone reading this than it does to me. Because I'm not keeping score. I'm living my life.

The weird thing is I've only really been hanging out with women for about 7 months. And I've also only been incarnated in this form of an unconditional lover of people for about 4 months. So in many respects I'm a spiritual baby. But I also love the journey I'm on. There's no one else on the planet I'd rather be than myself. I'm in the driver's seat.

I'm happy when I'm growing, and to me growth isn't about having a desired outcome. It's about moving forward. Yesterday I put myself out there to a girl I like. And it was beautiful. Because it was growth.

I love all of you unconditionally. 

Even you, impending snowstorm

1 comment:

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