a priori/a posteriori

Friday, December 30, 2016

"Keeping Santa Company" was crap

You're right. 

Good "technical" writing.  But not personal. 

Could have been written about anybody.

I get caught in that trap, sometimes.

Maybe I saw my dad not connecting, growing up.
Maybe that's been a part of this, the whole time.

My dad was trying to be a good guy.  But his sermons just weren't "hitting hard."

I don't know if he ever cracked the code to the safe.

Maybe I saw that, and I wanted to be more "marketable" when I spoke.  I wanted to speak to the masses, since my dad never seemed to figure out that breakthrough.

But then it ends up being a watered-down version of what we're trying to say.  And it ends up sounding pretty similar to what a hundred other "well-spoken" writers could write.
Part of me feels like I was who my dad was speaking to, the whole damn time.

And at some point he figured if he could reach one person, then God had a role for him.

And just because his one audience member had the same last name, and kind of looked like him,

that didn't make his job any less significant.
I think he kept trying to connect, his whole career.  I think he tinkered with his style, and with his message.

But I think on some level, he knew I was paying attention.  He knew I was rooting for him.

I think he knew a lot of people were rooting for him. 

I know he knows that now.
There is some quote about regret that I can't remember. 

"I don't wish I didn't fail.  I wish that I'd failed 10 times as often."

Maybe I made that up.  But I feel it.

My regret is not that I fail, whenever I write.  My regret is that I don't fail more often.

I hope I fail more often this year.
I wrote in that Happiness book,

"Don't worry about patterns.  Patterns emerge."
Patterns are emerging.

I went home trying not to need a picture of my father.  I wanted to let patterns emerge.

He was a traveler.  He was a visitor.  He loved visiting people.  He loved driving.  He loved flying.  He loved one-on-one communication.

He was a lousy preacher.  He was a tireless, selfless pastor.  He had a gift for spontaneous prayer.  He had love for those different than him.  He was stubborn and arrogant.  He had a gift for helping people transition from this stage to whatever-comes-next.

He was quirky.

He was a nutshell.
Patterns will emerge.

I'm not worried.

We are in mid-flight.

This train has wings, it turns out. 

Chaos does not exist.  A thing may seem like chaos, from my perspective.  Your perspective.  His or her perspective. 

Perspective creates chaos.

Zoom out.  Zoom up.  Let go.

Patterns are emerging.

Patterns are here.

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